Have an Attitude of Gratitude!

When we're in pain, it can be hard to see the good in life. But a consensus of experts, from religious leaders to psychologists, tell us that we will be happier if we cultivate an attitude of gratitude.

Have an Attitude of Gratitude, No Matter What the Circumstances Are!

What Makes Us Discouraged?

Nothing makes us discouraged. True, sometimes things happen that we don't like. But those things don't have the power to make us feel down and out. Most things in life are outside of our control, but our attitude is not. No matter what has gone wrong in life, we can always choose to have an attitude of gratitude!

I know it's not easy to stay grateful, in spite of unpleasant circumstances. Believe me, I know. It's not easy. It's hard. But it is possible.

Don't believe me? That's fine. Because if it was just me saying it, I wouldn't believe it either. It would seem too counterintuitive to be true. Bad things happen, yet you're supposed to stay grateful about your life? How is that supposed to work?

But according to God, it does work. And it is possible. And it's what God wants us to do, no matter what the circumstances look like!

The Apostle Paul's Teachings on Gratitude

In 1 Thessalonians 5:18, Paul says, "In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."

The Apostle Paul earned the right to say that, too. In 2 Corinthians 11:23-27, he talks about some of the difficulties he faced: he was whipped five times, he was beaten with wooden rods three times, he was stoned almost to death, and he was shipwrecked three times and adrift in the middle of the stormy sea. He was jailed multiple times because of his religious convictions, and not in an American jail where he was constitutionally protected from cruel and unusual punishment; no, he was thrown into Roman dungeons where no punishment would have been considered too cruel. He was ultimately killed by the Romans, very likely after being tortured. And through it all, Paul did not waiver in his commitment to God. There is no way Paul could have done all that if he had not followed his own advice and given thanks to God in every circumstance.

Philippians 4:4-9 contains a powerful distillation of Paul's teaching about having an attitude of gratitude.

• Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say, rejoice. 
• Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. 
• Be careful (anxious) for nothing; but in everything, by prayer and supplication and with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God;
• And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
• Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
• Those things, which you have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do; and the God of peace shall be with you.

No matter what is going wrong, God is still good, so start by rejoicing in God. Don't give in to anxiety or despair.  Instead, pray: tell God how you feel and ask him for what you need, and make sure you do it "with thanksgiving!" Thank God because you know he will make a way. (1 Corinthians 10:13.) And then focus on positive things.

It won't be easy. But God will give you all the grace you need to do it.

Having an Attitude of Gratitude

Here's the reality of our situation: in the world, we will have problems, but Jesus has given us his word, so that we can have peace in him. (John 16:33.)

It is not a choice whether we will have difficult circumstances. We will. That's guaranteed. Jesus said it. And if that wasn't enough, every philosopher or religious leader I've ever heard of has agreed with him. For example, the first noble truth of Buddhism is that suffering is everywhere. Even those who don't believe in God believe that the world is full of problems.

But although we don't have a choice about whether we will have problems in life, we do have a choice about whether we will have peace. We will have problems, but we can have peace. The problems come no matter what. The peace comes only if we choose to trust God and follow the Bible's teachings about having an attitude of gratitude in all circumstances.

Fortunately, that choice cannot be taken away from us. In addition to these promises of God, we have the testimony of Jews and Christians who have faced the most horrific circumstances imaginable, yet who have chosen to respond with godly virtue. For example, both Viktor Frankl and Corrie Ten Boom wrote about their experiences in Nazi death camps, and both shared stories of people who did noble and heroic deeds, even in the face of cruelty and death. (I highly recommend Dr. Frankl's book, Man's Search for Meaning, and Corrie Ten Boom's book, The Hiding Place.)

As Zig Ziglar once said, "Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude." If you choose to have a bad attitude, you will really only hurt yourself, and that's in addition to whatever other problems you already have! Why make things worse for yourself? Why not take advantage of biblical principles and promises, so that you can have a better, more victorious life right now?

But Life Is Not Fair! I Have a Reason to Be Unhappy!

Even though it's the truth that we can only have God's peace if we choose to have an attitude of gratitude, some people will object that this ignores all the reasons people have for being unhappy. Life is unfair. People did me wrong. If you knew what I'd been through, you wouldn't say that.

Well, I don't know what you've been through -- just like you don't know what I've been through -- but I still know that you are better off finding something to be grateful about.

You're right about life being unfair. It can be very unfair. While we should do what we can to work for justice and oppose injustice, we will never remove all the unfairness from life, no matter how hard we try.

Something I learned from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is that it can be beneficial to evaluate beliefs on the basis of whether they are helpful or unhelpful, rather than whether they are true or false. "Life's not fair" is a true belief. But, how helpful is it to dwell on that belief, to ruminate over life's injustices and to remind ourselves over and over again about how we've been wronged?

Once, I was in therapy for an injury I'd suffered because of someone else's carelessness. I hadn't done anything wrong, but I had been hurt. And now I had to work through painful exercises in order to heal properly.

In that circumstance, I could think about how I had been wronged or about how it was unfair for me to be enduring painful therapy while the person who had caused my injury was (to my knowledge) healthy and able-bodied. That thought would have been true. But how helpful would it have been? Not very.

Sometimes I did allow myself to brood over the injustice of my situation, and whenever I did, I always felt worse. In addition to the pain from my injury, I also experienced the emotional pain of feeling that I had been really wronged. Because I had. But dwelling on that fact did not change anything about my situation. It did not help me to heal. It did not help me to be happy. The fact that I had been unjustly harmed was not a helpful one for me to think about.

Thankfully, God gave me the grace to give thanks in those circumstances. And when I did, I always felt better.

The hard part was this: in order to feel continually better, I had to keep making that difficult choice over and over again. Once was never enough. At some point, maybe when I was having to push through the pain, or maybe when I was having trouble falling asleep and my mind was drifting back to the events that had caused my injury, I would start to feel down again. And once I started feeling down, the thanks and praise that I gave God earlier in the day didn't do me much good: I had to start all over again and conscientiously choose to give thanks and praise in the present moment.

No matter what difficulties you're going through, and no matter what I problems I face in the future, whenever we are challenged, we each have to make the same difficult choice: we must choose to be thankful. We must choose to have an attitude of gratitude. But if we do, God has promised that we can enjoy his peace that "passeth all understanding." (Philippians 4:7.)

A Practical Tip for Cultivating an Attitude of Gratitude

Here is a practical tip for cultivating an attitude of gratitude: write down something that you are grateful for. Do it first thing in the morning, when you wake up. Better yet, think of someone you are grateful for, and write that person a short text message or email letting them know that you are thinking of them and that you are grateful to have them in your life. And then, before you go to bed, write down something that happened that day that you are grateful for. If you can, get someone to be your accountability partner in this and agree to send each other a text message or email each evening to briefly recap something good that happened that day. By doing this, you will actually train your mind to look for the good, rather than what is bad. And as your perspective becomes more positive, so will your mood.